San Justo de la Vega

9:30pm

Hostal Juli

I said the F word today. My dad was the only one who heard. Important distinction: I said it TO my dad, not AT my dad. Is either one great? No.

The day started alright. We got a pretty late start due to good conversation with Sandy and Teresa from Seattle. No big deal, but HOLY MOLY it got so hot this afternoon. And we did the bulk of our walking in the worst of it. We made it to Hospital de Orbigo before stuff really started hitting the fan, walked with some Camino friends on and off and met a few new ones, and actually had a really great lunch in the beautiful back yard of a beautiful bar. There were chickens running around, and I was laughing out loud at how weird looking they are. 

It was after Hospital when I really started to feel bad. I couldn’t figure out why I was just SO drained. Beyond drained. It was so hot, I couldn’t keep up on hydration, and I tried so so hard to lift my own spirits and recognize that the only thing I can control is my attitude. But I would always just snap back. Nope, this is awful. 

At one point, at my most miserable, my dad was walking right along with me and said, “It is pretty hot, but it’s actually pretty decent walking! I’m feeling surprisingly good!” I wanted to be happy that he felt good, and I am. But it absolutely threw me over the edge. Wait, so, this is just me then? It’s not just misery out here? 

I burst out, “This is HORRIBLE!”

My sweet dad: “What? It’s horrible? I’m sorry sweetie!”

To which I so eloquently replied, “I’m so f***ing hot! I feel terrible! I feel like I’m being baked from the inside out. I’ve never felt more overheated than I do right now.”

Of course we stopped for a (hot) water break and he was so kind and encouraging and understanding of my outburst. And it really did help to let it out. But we still had 5km to go at this point, with hills and no shade and nothing but the dusty gravel road in front of us. And to make matters comical, right then one bug flew straight down my throat and another one flew up my nose, and a dust devil came by, spraying sandy dirt allllll over us. In my eyes. In my nose. In my mouth. In my ears. Scratching my face and glasses and leaving grit stuck to my sweaty, sunscreen-y neck. 

... for real?

But we had no choice but to trudge on. And I think I even kinda crazy laughed a desperate laugh so I wouldn’t continue to cry. 

After a short while, we came upon a little oasis in the desert. The proprietor lives there, and has for 9 years. He lives to serve pilgrims and offers snacks and beverages and hammocks and seats by donation only. Amazing! But I will be the first to admit that I wasn’t even able to fully enjoy it because all I could think about was how much further we still had to go, and it was just so hot. 

For the last couple kilometers, I said: “Podcasts, take the wheel.” It got me through the last few. We made it. And saw the coolest fountain of all time.

Our room smelled like something died in the walls and baked for one million years, so that sounds about right. All was fine once I showered and rested for a bit. Except I did get really mad at a church bell that rang nonstop for 10 minutes... that should have clued me in that this battle wasn’t over. 

And then. Dinner time.

Struck out at one bar, no problem. 

The next place had a pilgrim’s menu (3-course meal with wine) which they claim can be vegetarian. No problem. We ordered salads without tuna (they all come with tuna), and pasta. 

Return trip #1 from our server was to say the pasta actually has beef. Oh ok, then we’ll get the salads and that potato and asparagus option you said. No problem.

Return trip #2 from our server was to inform us that the asparagus and potato dish actually has tuna. Oh ok, then we’ll get the salads and... wait... there wasn’t another option. I’m so hungry. I don’t want just a salad. I’m SO HUNGRY and I know how these 1st course salads work and I’m just too hungry. Don’t let your chin quiver over a salad, Andie. IT’S A SALAD, ANDIE. Ok, so we’ll just have salad. 

Server walks away. I lose my mind. For a moment, I lost my mind. I took off my glasses and buried my head in my hands and felt a sea of rage and sadness welling from deep inside me, and I excused myself to the bathroom to sob. Yes, SOB. Heaving, gasping sobs in a dark and dirty bar bathroom in Spain. It was my breaking point. I guess we all reach them. And that damn salad did me dirty. I let it alllllllll out. Just couldn’t stop. 

Once I collected myself, I left the restroom and the server returned to offer us fried eggs and potatoes. I could have hugged her. YES, YES, one thousand times yes, we’ll have the fried eggs and potatoes. And we did. And it was fine. And as we waited for our food, my dad made a really good point. I had already mentioned to him during meltdown #1 on the trail that I’m supposed to start my period in two days. And like clockwork, two days before my period can be a hard day. Very emotional, very exhausting. So it makes sense. But he brought up the point, “Do you think your body also has a harder time regulating temperature during that time?” Well, scientist dad, that’s a very good question. 

Sure enough.... YEP! Big fat YEEEEPPPP. Not only that, but apparently the increase in hormones leads to a decrease in plasma volume and therefore thicker blood, making proper hydration extra important and harder to maintain. According to Women’s Running (not exactly a scholarly journal, but who has the time right now??), “In the days prior, your levels of estrogen and progesterone rise, leading to body changes, such as drop in plasma volume (which means your blood thickens), decreased total-body sodium and an increase in your core temperature and level of fatigue in your central nervous system.”

Well, well, well. You nasty little uterus (I don’t mean that, thanks for the miracles you could potentially perform, super proud of you).

Allllll that TMI (but deal with it, because you have to) is to say that I kinda hated today. I fully recognize that I am in a very privileged position. I am traveling across Spain for nearly two months. That’s not real. How can that be real? But this ain’t your average vacation. And today was not a good day. And I’m not going to diminish my feelings by playing the “others have it worse” game. I just won’t do it. Plus, hearing that this is an actual physiological response to the hormonal cycle of my body makes me feel a whole lot less crazy and a whole lot more human. No, I’m not just a wuss. I didn’t just have a bad attitude (oh, but I did have one of those too). It’s real. And there is magic in validation. So if I can provide that for someone else in sharing my good, bad, and ugly, I’m happy. 

 

Sometimes a good cry can clear out the pent up discomfort and bring some hope and healing, and that was definitely true tonight. We laughed and talked our way through those fried eggs and ice cream. And I overcame it. I didn’t call a cab or a bus or a helicopter. And I wouldn’t have wanted to. Because I KNEW I could do it. I dug really deep (and then some more because the first dig apparently wasn’t far enough), and found the strength somewhere. And meanwhile, this is the view from our balcony tonight. 

Today was hard. 

Tomorrow is new.

And for that I am really thankful.