Pintín

6:45pm

Casa Cines

WOW I’m tired today. After all the hills of the last few days, my dogs are barkin big time (do you know what that grandma phrase means? My feet hurt). But Galicia continues to impress me with this incredible scenery!

The day started with some major misty fog, which lasted into the afternoon. And I’m NOT complaining. A reprieve from the hot was fabulous. We had a delicious veggie bocadillo lunch in Triacastela, where we ran into a few Camino friends we’ve been seeing along the way, and set out along yet another gorgeous uphill road. 

After the rain this morning, there were some less than stellar bits of the trail which gave me a few more gray hairs, trying not to fall on my face and willing my dad to stay upright as well. Thankfully we made it out alive but WOWSA. This was also right about the time we had to perform surgery on my right shoe, which has a delightful habit of collecting rocks inside the lining. Not cool. My dad cut a little tiny hole with his pocket knife and we are able to get a few out, but not before they drove me crazy. 

About 5 km from our destination, we happened upon a beautiful little rest oasis in the middle of nowhere, made with great care and generosity. Someone was playing the guitar, and a couple ladies we met yesterday were singing. Another young woman who we met in Grañon (the magical church where I sang a few weeks ago... feels like a year) was there too, and she immediately greeted me with, “You can sing too!”

And... anxiety fest.

I love singing, and in certain scenarios I love singing in front of people. But when I’m exhausted and feeling less than social, being asked to come up with something to sing on the spot feels like a hostage situation. Thankfully I just laughed it off and ignored it, walking away to check out the beautiful painted stones around the property. But from that point forward I was just one big ball of introvert anxiety. If I didn’t want to participate in what they were doing, I could have just said no. That’s always an option. But it’s so awkward! And I hate it. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m trying to learn to allow myself the space to do what sounds right to me. Nothing ever materialized, but I was immediately closed off after that first interaction and wasted my time trying to keep my distance from the group. When I’m not feeling social interaction, I’m NOT feeling it. It’s hard to snap out of, and I don’t think I really need to. Plus, the place was just not floating my boat (though beautiful) and didn’t look very relaxing to my sleepy eyes dreaming of a clean bed. Sometimes my fear of bed bugs and other creepy crawlers just outweighs my ability to look past a couch that’s clearly been enjoyed by thousands of pilgrims before me... just being honest here. I loved it for its art, but not so much as a hangout. You dig?

My point in sharing this is to say that pretty soon after arriving, I asked my dad, “So, are you ready to head out?” He replied, “I think I could use a couple more minutes of sitting. Are you uncomfortable?”

My initial reaction was of course to say, “Oh, no no.” But then I paused. YES, I’m uncomfortable. Not in a way that makes me feel like I have to run and hide, but I am! I very much am. So I changed my answer. “Actually, yeah. Yeah I am. But I’m ok.” And that was it! What do you know, I expressed a less than stellar feeling and everything was ok. I didn’t have to explain it away. There it sat. We stayed for a couple more minutes and then went on our way. 

This small, seemingly insignificant moment felt BIG to me. My gut response was to say, “Yeah, yeah, totally fine.” But what the heck is the point of that? I didn’t need to leave there immediately, I wasn’t so uncomfortable that it was causing me harm, but yeah it wasn’t my favorite place. And just saying it out loud and not being too timid to share those feelings felt like a small victory. Of course, I’m really never too timid to share these things with my dad. It wasn’t about him. I’m usually too timid to admit them to myself. It’s usually, you’re ok. You’re FINE. Don’t make a big deal out of this, everyone else is ok. 

But today, I was honest. And just that action made me feel better. This little self lesson didn’t even occur to me right away, it came after a couple more hours of walking. It’s amazing the thoughts and realizations you can have when you get hours of uninterrupted thinking time to process these moments. And I know they’ll come back to me when I need them. 

Our room for the night is beautiful and comfortable, and I think we have the whole place to ourselves! I wish I could blog the smell of these small Galician towns to give you an idea, but trust me... you don’t wish I could. STAAANNNKKKYYY. But I still love it. I love those stinky cows and I love these beautiful views.

And folks, we’re in the mileage DOUBLE-DIGITS. We started with 500 miles ahead of us, and now over 400 are behind us. Tomorrow we walk through Sarria, the last town in which pilgrims can start in order to receive their 100km Compostela. It’ll get real crowded up in here, but that should be an exciting, electric way to finish this adventure. 

Finish this adventure.

I can’t believe I’m saying that. 

It feels like a million years, and yet it’s wild to be reaching the finish line.